Mattress Musings

My title for today’s blog entry is threefold. It’s partially because the majority of my entries are composed in my head when I am in bed trying to fall asleep. My brain keeps functioning for hours after my body has given up for the day. I take lots of mental notes and decide what to complain about in my next blog entry. I have a lot of trouble sleeping lately mostly because I can’t get my leg comfortable and partially because I really want to avoid taking anything to help me sleep. I’ve given in and taken some sleep aids, but mostly I just toss and turn, put a pillow under, over, next to my knee. I keep getting tangled up in my catheter and have discovered it is possible for a leg that has very little feeling to cause me great discomfort and pain. I’ve finally gotten rid of the nasty ankle pain from a few weeks ago by eliminating one exercise from my daily regime. The physical therapist said this would be OK and wouldn’t delay my recovery and the fact that the pain is now gone is a small consolation. Eventually I’ll find a position that is comfortable and allows me a good night’s sleep.

The second reason for Mattress Musings is related to the first. The catheter and the leg: Because of both of these things I’ve had to switch sides of the bed with Pat. Now many of you know when you are used to doing something for say 7 or 8 years it’s really hard to change a habit. Well in our bedroom our queen size mattress is nicely tucked up against 2 walls, which means for the past 7 years I’ve been climbing over the footboard or over Pat to get to my side each night. Even during previous surgery recoveries I’ve done this. I have a fair share of bruises from not quite making it over the footboard, and from trying to make it to the bathroom quicker than my legs could manage. This time we immediately realized that would not be possible for me to do all this climbing. I need to be able to get out and to my crutches, not to mention have a place for my lovely catheter night bag. So Pat and I switched sides of the bed. It took us both a while to adjust – and while I’m still not sleeping great I have found some comfort on my new side of the bed. Pat on the other hand doesn’t seem to be enjoying his new side – there’s no light (though he recently remedied this with the purchase of a very bright book light), no place to put his book and book light when he is finished, and he has to reach over me to shut the alarm off in the morning, that is when I remember to turn it on. I’m not thrilled with the responsibility on my new side of the bed - set the alarm, shut off the light, put down the nights reading, all because it’s the side with a nightstand. Well, it’s only temporary….

And the final reason for Mattress Musings is our actual mattress. It was a first anniversary present from Pat. We had just bought our bedroom furniture and upgraded from a full size bed to a queen. “What luxury!” we both thought. It was about 5 months since my initial diagnosis and I was mid-chemo treatments and experiencing the first of my “don’t come near me” periods when everything about me seemed supersensitive and I didn’t like to be touched by anyone – anywhere. So the queen sized bed seemed like a good idea (and we knew there was no way we’d ever get a king into our bedroom), so I got the space I needed, we both got a new mattress and all was well for a while. I’m now in another “don’t come near me” phase thanks to this leg. As I said earlier, it’s supersensitive and doesn’t like to be touched – either by people or by clothing, sheets, etc. It’s not a lot of fun. The rest of me would love to fall asleep in the comfort and security of my husband’s arms, but because I can’t get comfortable and am constantly tossing and turning, I stay in my corner and he stays in his and usually one of us gets a few hours of uninterrupted sleep per night.

I think that’s all from me for today. I thought we could all use some humor and I’m starting to feel a little more like myself as I approach the one month anniversary of my discharge. Judging from times past, this should be a good few weeks for me – assuming this silly bladder actually heals. No Caribbean vacation for us this time – but I wouldn’t mind some slightly warmer temps here in New England. I didn’t appreciate having to put on gloves for today’s walk – it’s May 1st for Pete’s sake! I know it’s coming and I’m not complaining all that loudly because at least its not snowing, but the poor trees were just getting ready to sprout some leaves and now they look like they want to go back into hibernation – not that I blame them. I am going to put away the winter stuff in the next week so that will be the signal for us to have a beautiful spring snowfall – kidding, really I’m just kidding. I don’t think my personal black cloud is spreading across all of the Boston area.

Oh one last thing I forgot to include in my last posting "Happy Anniversary Honey" Hard to believe it's been 7 years - at least the first 6 months were great!!! We both could have done without the last 6.5 years but we've had some pretty amazing experiences during this time. I look forward to many, many more.