Present Day

It’s the end of February and I think the blog is up to date with the important details of the past 3 months, though I do have a few anecdotes that I will eventually share – hint: mustard and border crossings. For a short month, I ‘ve packed a lot in: I’ve had my CT scan, done my bloodwork, seen Dr. Robinson, returned to work 4 days a week, started acupuncture, and have my follow up with Dr. Lange on Tuesday. I am approaching March 17 and the one year anniversary – I think I may have been a little too blasé in my last post because even though I say I am not nervous or anxious during this period I find myself chomping my nails, losing my concentration, and worried about the test results. Some days I can convince myself not to fret and to engross myself in other activities and other days I can’t. Today is one of the days that I can’t.

I scheduled a visit to Weyman 3 on the day of my CT scan so the nurses could access my port for the scan and do my blood draw at the same time. This means that Dr. Lange will have my tumor markers (blood tests that can indicate the presence of tumors) and my CT scan at the same time. Ideally this is the best way to do this because we can see the whole picture at once and with the tumor markers, we are looking for trends – is my CEA elevated, where was it last month? What about CA 125, is that on the rise? CA 19-9 – up or down since last quarter? However these numbers can be affected by different things – did I have a cold the day they did the blood draw? Was I dehydrated that morning? So I usually only review them for a period of time and not individually. And since my first surgery 7 years ago some of them have never returned to so-called normal levels. My CEA is never in the range for a healthy 36 year old female who has been through menopause. But if we see a significant trend, then we might have to take a closer look at the CT scan or do another draw sooner than the usual 3 months.

The nurses all noticed that I had gained weight and agreed that I looked much better. It’s amazing what 7 pounds can do for you. And as always I noticed the looks of pity, of question, the why are you on this floor? Who are you visiting, why are all the nurses stopping to chat with you. You look to good to have cancer, so you must be a caregiver, but why are they taking blood out of your port? Why do you have a port? Even after 7 years, I still find it easier to give a small smile then look away. If only they knew. Just as I was leaving Dr. Lange walked past my room looked at me and kept walking, did a double take and came back. “What’s wrong? You aren’t on the schedule for today – why are you here?” I pointed to my port and said CT scan – I see you in a week and a half. He looked relieved.

CT scan went fine – John, the radiology tech was impressed to see walking and without assistance and agreed with everyone else that I looked much better than I had the last time. I’m starting to think that perhaps I looked particularly washed out and unhealthy during my last check up or maybe I was just frazzled from the drive in and the traffic. Ten minutes later we were done and I was on my way back to Holliston. And trying to put the day in the back of my mind and not let it creep into my thoughts on a daily basis.

I had other things to think about anyway. I am now officially working 4 days per week – two in the office and two at home. So far I seem to have the stamina for it and I know I am very, very fortunate to be able to have a schedule like this. I decided to work from home on Mondays and Fridays and in the office on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This way I have Wednesdays as a day to regroup since my stamina still isn’t up to par. I am noticing subtle changes recently – I can keep a busy schedule for a few days in a row and then I only need a day to recover instead of a weekend. I’m looking for a short business trip to test myself on.

Part of the stamina may be due to my latest therapy – acupuncture. I did it years ago during chemotherapy and it seemed to help with my energy levels so I figured it couldn’t hurt to try again. It doesn’t interfere with any of the other things I am doing, and I am continuing to take my medicines (DTO, Kaopectate, Apple Pectin, and Codeine). I am going to Chinese Medicine for Health in Holliston and the woman doing my treatments holds a western medical degree in addition to her training in eastern medicine. You don’t really feel the needles during acupuncture so I don’t mind the needles, plus I get an hour of solitude and relaxation during each treatment. We talked about my history and my problems and are tackling the easier issues first. My energy levels have definitely been on the rise, though I still have days when it is tough to get started. She is very interested in helping me with some of my bigger problems and hopes she can do something about the diarrhea. We’ll see. I’m hoping to add some meditative exercise (Qi Gong) to my routine as I begin to feel better. But I’m getting ahead of myself. First I need to get my test results and open the next chapter.