Doctor's Visit

Pat and I met with Dr. Lange last week to discuss the latest CT scan. “Stable” was the one word description. This means, when we dissect the report word by word, that there are no visible tumors. Nothing has changed since November when nothing had changed since August. Exhale. Moment of relief. Inhale. Begin to think. Bad idea. Recall that the same phrase was uttered in January 2006. Yet by February 2006 I was planning another surgery and one year ago next week I was being sliced open. Again.

So please forgive me if I don’t do a happy dance right now - if I remain a bit skeptical and don’t have faith in the abilities of the radiologists at Mt. Auburn. It’s not their fault. PMP is rare disease - it’s difficult to diagnose, impossible to be found unless you have read hundreds of PMP scans. Dr. Lange agrees.

So do we take my scan and send it to one of the specialists, Loggie, Esquival, or choke…Sugarbaker? But wouldn’t that be like looking for trouble – like walking up to cop and taking a swing at him for no reason, other than to get arrested? I mean what do I stand to gain from having one of these guys look at the scan. Perhaps they see something miniscule, and then I just end up twiddling my thumbs and waiting for it to grow or cause some trouble. If I don’t send it to them, isn’t that just burying my head in the sand and pretending all is well? But isn’t it possible that perhaps right now, in March 2007, all is well for me? I guess so.

Dr. Lange was right there with me as a conversation similar to the above played out in his office. There are no “right” answers. It’s my decision – Pat and mine. We aren’t ready to repeat last year just yet. We just finished painting the inside of the house. Cooper is still getting adjusted to us; we are still getting adjusted to Cooper. I need a break. I need to put my blinders on and earplugs in “Lalalala…” CT scan from February 2007 says no evidence of recurrence. OK, great. Let’s compromise. Dr. Lange suggests a re-scan in 2 months rather than 3. Hmm…barium in April instead of May. OK, I can work with that. Agreed. Appointments made. Two month reprieve from cancer. Yea, right.

I’ll apologize now if any of the above sounds a bit glib. I am feeling a bit frustrated right now and writing is the best therapy for me. And so is having a dog. Amazing how nice it is to come home and be met by his adorable face and wagging tail. Even when I don’t give him a treat, he seeks me out. It’s nice having another breathing being in the house when I’m home alone.

I’m continuing my acupuncture. It seems to be helping somewhat with energy levels and overall well being. We are discussing testing to see how well it is working on my diarrhea issues, so I am tapering down my use of DTO, Kaopectate, and Apple Pectin. Today however I’ll be using all 3 as I don’t want to have any problems at The Pogues concert later this evening. Yep, Shane McGowan has lived another year. Yay!