As Promised

I spoke with Dr. Zeitman this morning and got the news that I didn’t want to hear, but unfortunately was expecting. I’m not a candidate for Proton Beam Therapy. He spent hours examining every angle of my CT scans and MRI, talking with other docs at MGH and trying to find a way to make it work. But in the end, the risks are too great – he is afraid that any radiation will greatly impact my quality of life and also jeopardize future surgeries. Even targeted beams like these are going to damage anything they come into contact with and there is a loop of bowel too close to the tumor. We agreed from the get go that we would only go ahead with this if he (Dr. Zeitman) could guarantee that he wouldn’t cause me additional problems. We both knew it was a long shot and my last option. I am glad I got to work with him and very much appreciated his honesty and candidness. Pat and I talked last night and I said to him, it’s been almost 5 days since the CT scan at MGH and I haven’t heard from Dr. Zeitman. We both knew this most likely meant that he was trying desperately to make Proton Beam an option for me, but not having any success. So even though I had already crossed it off in my mind, it still hit me pretty hard when I spoke with Dr. Zeitman this morning. No matter how much you think you may be ready for bad news, no matter how prepared you feel, hearing those words can still knock the wind right out of you.

Surgery is now my only option. So much for months of weighing decisions. I still hope to be able to put it off for a bit - the pain medicine is working well and my bladder is still functioning fine. I’ll continue to monitor myself, set up a CT scan and follow up appointment for June and take it from there.