Balance

Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans. - John Lennon

What distracts me from the blog? I seem to publish on a six-month schedule, which is positively snail-mail. I asked myself this question recently and found I wasn't just disappearing from the blog, I was disappearing from my life for several months: not talking or e-mailing or calling anyone outside of my immediate family.

When you're faced with circumstances in life over which you have no control, you'll search for something that gives you that feeling. Sometimes these behaviors are self-destructive, very immediate and apparent: alcohol, drugs, violence, or other activities that damage mind, body, and life.

Other activities are good and constructive in themselves. Work, in moderation, is a great way to relieve stress, occupy your mind, and find meaning and fulfillment. If you're good at the work you do, and if you like what you're good at, then the satisfaction is magnified.

To a point. Anything taken to its extremes can become addictive and destructive, despite the best intentions.

I'm fortunate. I enjoy the work I do right now and I'm good at it. I especially enjoy the people I work with, the intellectual challenges of the projects, and the chance to help other people. I've been very fortunate to work in a company where my work is valued and where my employers put high value on personal relationships, especially on spending time with your family. All these are reasons why I find my work so satisfying and meaningful. It's intoxicating.

That's why I threw myself into work over the last several months, ignoring almost everything else in my life - this blog, e-mails, phone calls, friends, physical fitness, household duties, and even my wife. Jean is the true north in my life: she is the most important, and work is a distant 2nd, 4th, or 10th in my life priorities. Yet I spent 80, 90, or 100 hours a week away from her. Why would I do that?

Faced with Jean's health problems, which do not improve despite our best efforts, and the choices she faces in the near future, I threw myself into work. Threw myself like a diver plunging over a cliff or a man guzzling the first shot on a drinking binge. I wanted more of the satisfying feeling - I'm in control! I can accomplish something! I made a difference! I tried to do more and take on more. (Some people say you can't work too hard or too much at the expense of anything else. I've met these some people. I'll address this peculiar American illness later.)

Again, I'm fortunate. My employers spotted my swamped schedule and time mismanagement. A spurt of intense hard-work is sometimes necessary and important, but a long-term, maxed-out, over-tasked employee is bad for business and personal life. I'm never afraid to ask for help, but when I'm so distracted or engaged, I am unaware that I should ask for help.

I'm now searching for balance. It's not the first time, nor will it be the last. With balance and moderation in the last few weeks, I've found my mind and body better able to handle stress and change. There's a lot of that coming our way. There will be difficult decisions for us in the future. We'll need each other more than ever, and at a certain point, I won't be able to escape into the satisfaction of work (or anything else). I will be there with Jean to deal with what comes. And hopefully I will not be so distracted that I can't talk with you about it.

Posted by gasbarro at March 9, 2008 10:20 PM